Wednesday, April 23, 2014

A crucial dating tip for "nice guys".

I know that I dispense a presumptuous amount of dating and relationship advice for someone who always has unsuccessful relationships, but there's something that's been bugging me and I've just got vent it out. I am sick and tired of hearing guys complain about girls not liking "nice guys". Please! Really? You really think women don't want to date you because you're too nice? Keep reading.

I promise, the majority of women are not turning away fun, attractive men for being "too nice". I promise, that's not what's happening. Of course, if being "nice" is ALL you've got going for you, then you may have a challenge. If that's the case then I don't think you can expect any more success than girls who are "really sweet" but otherwise unattractive. You see, it's a two way street - neither gender wants to date someone they are not attracted to, but no one wants to look like a jerk by saying so. Being "too nice" is just a "nice" way to reject someone. You have to admit - it does sound better than telling someone they are repulsive. You could be the nicest guy in the world, but if I don't want to kiss you then our romantic future is bleak.

Of course attraction isn't always the reason that a girl doesn't want to date you. You really don't have to be a male model to attract a girl. If you are charming and personable you will do more than well for yourself in the dating scene.

The real problem here is that we use the word "nice" to cover all positive interpersonal traits. Think about it - kind, considerate, friendly, helpful, understanding, attentive, etc. - nice is not only synonymous with all of them, we use (or misuse) it to mean all of those things at the same time! After all, a person can be kind without being attentive. A person can be friendly without being understanding. The other thing to consider is that even though these are all viewed as positive qualities - positive is relative. What some people like, other people hate. What some people value, others abhor.

If a girl doesn't want to date you because you are "too nice" she might actually just not want to date you because you are too attentive (clingy), or too accommodating (doormat) - she may like all your other "nice" qualities. However, she will be afraid of telling you she finds this unattractive because she doesn't want to be the jerk. Instead she'll probably let you believe you are "too nice" or "too good". It's a cop out.

Trust me, nobody is going to break up with you for being too great. You might be too much of a lot of things, but nice is not one of hem. So nice guys- don't be deceived by the politeness of the women rejecting you. Keep being nice, but try to be more than that if you possibly can. 

A final thought.