I am about to sound REALLY anti-social here (I mean more
than usual), but can anyone tell me why it is that almost-strangers who are in
the same room with each other for an extended period of time feel obligated to
carry on a conversation?
I’m not talking about the 5 minutes interactions you have
with people who are waiting for the same elevator you are, or the casual “Hi,
how are you?” you exchange with people you recognize, those are both perfectly
fine.
I am talking about forced
social interactions, or FSI’s, as I like to call them. A forced social
interaction is any sort of interaction which goes on for an uncomfortable amount of time and that you have with someone you don’t know
well, and to whom you have nothing to say. These usually occur in a
professional setting (chances are you have had at least one already today at
your work) where you cannot avoid the people with whom you have nothing to talk
about.
So why is it that we feel obligated to speak at all, when it
is painfully obvious we have nothing to say? As a society we seem to be suffering from the notion that silence is awkward and should be filled with words whenever possible. Surely whoever it was that said "Silence is golden" has FSI's in mind.
My least favorite FSI is getting my hair cut. Yes, I hate
going to the hairdresser. I like a new do as much as anyone else, but I find
myself going far too long between haircuts because I dread the FSI that comes
with it. My hairdresser is very nice, but we are not friends, nor do we have
anything to talk about.
Every time she cuts my hair we have the exact same
conversation. I don’t know if she actually wants to talk to me or if she just
feels obligated to make small talk the entire hour that it takes to cut my
hair. I want to tell her that I just want my haircut and I don’t want to talk,
but I don’t have the nerve. I’m pretty sure it’s a bad idea to say anything
that sounds remotely rude to the woman who is holding scissors near your head.
So instead I find myself small talking back because I feel
bad making her carry the uncomfortable conversation alone. My heart just isn't in it though, and that is the real reason I stopped getting my hair colored – it made
my appointments uncomfortably long and it was too hard to carry the
conversation the whole time.
Another FSI you may be able to relate to occurs at the
dentist’s office when the hygienist is working inside your mouth and trying to converse with you at the same time. This conversation is particularly challenging
because when he or she asks you a question they fully expect an answer which you try to give through a mouthful of the hygienist's fingers.Amazingly enough they always seem to understand what you are saying.
Family Reunions are probably the king of all FSI’s. Your
trapped in an area with people you seldom see and barely know who only have
some shared ancestors in common with you. You find yourself asking your cousin/niece/uncle/obscure relation what is new in their life (although your mom already filled you in on any juicy new before the reunion) and then they ask you, and they you are pretty much out of topics. The whole thing could be done by newsletter.
Here are a few more
FSI’s you may have experienced:
- Long car rides with people you don’t know very well. Soo... I hate red lights, how about you?
- When your home/visiting teachers come over each month.
- Weddings of people you used to know really well.
- Blind dates that don’t “hit it off” with you.
I hate the unnaturalness of these encounters. If you have something to say, say it. If you don't have anything to say then let's have some peace. Having worked
my entire life in customer service of some form or other I guess I have just
had my fill of small talk in the professional world and I like to avoid it at
all costs in my personal life.
So what do you think? Are FSI's avoidable or are we doomed to an endless cycle of meaningless conversations?
