What your online dating profile is really telling me.

Recently a close friend of mine (who shall remain nameless) and I decided to give the whole online dating thing a shot. So we set up profiles on a few different sites to see what was out there. For my part, I was mostly curious about how the whole online courtship thing works. Let me tell you, I have not been disappointed!

I have already spent some hours of enjoyment perusing online profiles and making some critiques. Here are some of my interpretations of profile postings I have seen for your enjoyment!


"I enjoy watching Grey's Anatomy." = You are secretly a woman.

"I'm really funny and have a great sense of humor." - Says who? If you're funny, say something funny. Don't tell me how funny you are, that's not humorous.


"I don't think a person can be described in a few paragraphs. If you want to get to know me, send me a message." = You have nothing interesting to say for yourself and are hoping your picture will be enough to attract someone (spoiler alert: it won't be).


"I am not book smart, but I am street smart." = You are illiterate.


"I can't stand people who are fake or dishonest." = You have real trust issues.


"I'll tell you later about my spirituality." = You're not religious.



You are wearing sunglasses in all of your pictures.  = You smoke a lot of weed.


You took your picture in the bathroom mirror with your phone. = You are a slutty 14 year old girl at heart.


You use the wrong "to" "too" or "two" more than once. = You never read the language you speak.


These are just some of the observations I have made. I'm sure there will be more to come :)

Losing is for losers.

I am a bad loser. The company I work for threw a summer party at an amusement park this weekend. It was really fun. After lunch we had a big raffle with lots of cool prizes. I didn't win any prizes, and I hate everyone who did! Just kidding.... mostly. I don't like losing :-(

Despite the fact that I hate losing, I still love competition. When people say they want to play a game but "not keep score" I want to punch them in the face! If we're not going to keep score then what is the point of playing?? How do we know when the game is over?? How do we know who wins?? I don't want to play with people who aren't keeping score, they're no fun. 

Of course, I don't expect to win every time, but I am sure as hell going to try! And you can expect that unless we are competing at something for which I am at an obvious disadvantage (golf, tennis, etc.), I expect to win. If I don't win, I am going to be upset for a while. I'll get over it, but I am going to hate you just a little bit for just a little while.

If that makes me a jerk - so be it!