1. Woody Allen is still alive.
2. Silent movies are back in (it's about time)!
3. Meryl Streep is aging backwards (seriously, she looks better than ever).
4. Cameron Diaz is aging fast-forwards (I told her to wear sunscreen).
5. Billy Crystal isn't very funny.
6. The Academy wants me to watch movies in the theater (thanks for the oh so subtle hints guys).
7. Jennifer Lopez isn't afraid to push the envelope in clothing exposure.
8. Sacha Baron Cohen is a shameless attention whore (okay, I did know that before but still).
Highlight of my night: Bret McKenzie won an Oscar!!!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Things you feel obligated to do but secretly have a bad attitude about
It's been a few days since I've posted anything so, let me be a jerk! This is a list of 7 things (in no particular order) that we do because we feel obligated, but about which we secretly have a bad attitude.
- Recycling. Sure it's a good idea, sure everyone benefits, but it's still really inconvenient. I also somehow feel like a sellout jumping on the "green" wagon.
- Telling someone their baby is cute when you actually think it's hideous. If that really was a baby in the picture you showed me then, yeah.... it was.... er.... adorable.
- Acting like you don't mind when someone's child is out of control. "No, no it's fine that your little monster keeps touching me with it's filthy hands" "No, the screaming isn't bothering me at all."
- Holding the door open for people who are walking a reasonable distance behind you, but are moving MADDENINGLY SLOW. I know it's the courteous thing to do, but would it kill them to put a little pep in that step?
- Giving high fives to someone when they stick their hand up for one, even though you just aren't feeling it. You can't leave them hanging without looking like a jerk.... but who knows where that hand has been???
- Extended family re-unions. Who doesn't want to spend several hours mingling with people who are practically strangers, but related enough to feel like they can judge you and give advice?
- Quality time with your parents-in-law. Enough said.
- Recycling. Sure it's a good idea, sure everyone benefits, but it's still really inconvenient. I also somehow feel like a sellout jumping on the "green" wagon.
- Telling someone their baby is cute when you actually think it's hideous. If that really was a baby in the picture you showed me then, yeah.... it was.... er.... adorable.
- Acting like you don't mind when someone's child is out of control. "No, no it's fine that your little monster keeps touching me with it's filthy hands" "No, the screaming isn't bothering me at all."
- Holding the door open for people who are walking a reasonable distance behind you, but are moving MADDENINGLY SLOW. I know it's the courteous thing to do, but would it kill them to put a little pep in that step?
- Giving high fives to someone when they stick their hand up for one, even though you just aren't feeling it. You can't leave them hanging without looking like a jerk.... but who knows where that hand has been???
- Extended family re-unions. Who doesn't want to spend several hours mingling with people who are practically strangers, but related enough to feel like they can judge you and give advice?
- Quality time with your parents-in-law. Enough said.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Why women are jerks on V-Day...
Have you ever noticed how competitive women get on Valentine's Day? We can't help it, Valentine's Day is like the ___________( <-- insert major men's sporting event of your choice) for women!
I'll bet if you check your news feed on Facebook you will see that it is being flooded by women uploading pictures and comments on how wonderful their significant others are and exactly what/how their honey "surprised" them.
Why do we do that? Because Valentine's Day is a competition and we need to see who is winning. Even more importantly, we need to let other women know that we were not forgotten, that we too have someone who cares about us. And furthermore, that our someone is WAY more thoughtful than yours!
I'm not casting stones here, I am no better myself! I made sure that my husband sent me a lovely edible arrangement at my office (I confess, I chose it myself) so that I would have something Valentinesy on my desk when all the other ladies had something on their desks.
I'm pretty sure I beat out all the competition, and I am just jerk enough to admit it!
Question of the day: Have you ever (or would you ever) sent yourself a gift on Valentine's Day?
Other question of the day: What is the most obnoxious thing about Valentine's Day?
I'll bet if you check your news feed on Facebook you will see that it is being flooded by women uploading pictures and comments on how wonderful their significant others are and exactly what/how their honey "surprised" them.
Why do we do that? Because Valentine's Day is a competition and we need to see who is winning. Even more importantly, we need to let other women know that we were not forgotten, that we too have someone who cares about us. And furthermore, that our someone is WAY more thoughtful than yours!
I'm not casting stones here, I am no better myself! I made sure that my husband sent me a lovely edible arrangement at my office (I confess, I chose it myself) so that I would have something Valentinesy on my desk when all the other ladies had something on their desks.
I'm pretty sure I beat out all the competition, and I am just jerk enough to admit it!
Question of the day: Have you ever (or would you ever) sent yourself a gift on Valentine's Day?
Other question of the day: What is the most obnoxious thing about Valentine's Day?
Friday, February 10, 2012
Twilight = a series for tweens and their mothers!
So, now that I've angered pregnant women everywhere (I think they may have been a little emotional to start with, I just set them off), let's talk about something less controversial (hopefully).
I know I'm not alone in this, but I don't get Twilight. By that I don't mean "I don't like Twilight", (I'm actually pretty indifferent to the whole thing) I don't "get" the Twilight audience. I expected Twilight to appeal to girls in the age range of 11-15, but instead I find most of the Twi-hards I know are women aged 25-45. Why????
I may be a jerk, but does it seem weird to anyone else that grown woman with a family and/or life should be obsessed with a story about a co-dependent teenage girl who is in love with a 100 year old sparkling guy that drinks blood?
But hey, at least it's bringing mothers and daughters together. I love seeing them out and about together at the movie premiers in matching outfits they both got from the junior's section!
You tell me, am I missing something or is that weird?
I know I'm not alone in this, but I don't get Twilight. By that I don't mean "I don't like Twilight", (I'm actually pretty indifferent to the whole thing) I don't "get" the Twilight audience. I expected Twilight to appeal to girls in the age range of 11-15, but instead I find most of the Twi-hards I know are women aged 25-45. Why????
I may be a jerk, but does it seem weird to anyone else that grown woman with a family and/or life should be obsessed with a story about a co-dependent teenage girl who is in love with a 100 year old sparkling guy that drinks blood?
But hey, at least it's bringing mothers and daughters together. I love seeing them out and about together at the movie premiers in matching outfits they both got from the junior's section!
You tell me, am I missing something or is that weird?
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
What's up with pregnant ladies on Facebook?
I'm a jerk, I'll admit that right away, but is it just me or has Facebook turned pregnant women into shameless self promoters? Every time I sign in I get hit by multiple pregnancy posts. Some of the more common posts are listed below, I am just NOT THAT INTERESTED in the details of your pregnancy!
The Weekly Countdown
For some reason pregnant ladies assume that we are as excited for that baby to come out as they are, and so they naturally give us a week by week countdown to the big event. "6 weeks along, I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going by." These are usually accompanied by the all important pregnancy photo taking in profile to emphasize stomach growth. Pregnant ladies love having pictures taken from that angle!
The Baby's Progress Report
From almost the minute of conceiving, prego ladies can't wait to tell us how the baby is progressing. They even have a Facebook app that tells you each week how much like a human your baby is starting to look. "This week your baby is growing eyeballs" complete with creepy illustrations.
The Ultrasound Picture
Last, but certainly not least is the ultrasound picture. The first thing prego ladies do after getting this "babies first picture" taken is to load it onto their Facebook for us all to see. As if all ultrasound pictures didn't look exactly the same - that is to say like aliens under water.
Maybe I'll feel differently when I start having kids of my own, but I doubt that you will - so I promise not to bombard you within details of my pregnancy that you care nothing about!
Question of the day: Do you care about the pregnancy details of your casual friends, or are you a jerk?
The Weekly Countdown
For some reason pregnant ladies assume that we are as excited for that baby to come out as they are, and so they naturally give us a week by week countdown to the big event. "6 weeks along, I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going by." These are usually accompanied by the all important pregnancy photo taking in profile to emphasize stomach growth. Pregnant ladies love having pictures taken from that angle!
The Baby's Progress Report
From almost the minute of conceiving, prego ladies can't wait to tell us how the baby is progressing. They even have a Facebook app that tells you each week how much like a human your baby is starting to look. "This week your baby is growing eyeballs" complete with creepy illustrations.
The Ultrasound Picture
Last, but certainly not least is the ultrasound picture. The first thing prego ladies do after getting this "babies first picture" taken is to load it onto their Facebook for us all to see. As if all ultrasound pictures didn't look exactly the same - that is to say like aliens under water.
Maybe I'll feel differently when I start having kids of my own, but I doubt that you will - so I promise not to bombard you within details of my pregnancy that you care nothing about!
Question of the day: Do you care about the pregnancy details of your casual friends, or are you a jerk?
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
You might be a jerk....
... if newlyweds make you feel nauseated.
... if you don't give a damn where your friends "check in".
... if you feel like people you don't like are stealing oxygen that should be yours.
... if you don't think every baby is cute.
... if you think some babies are downright ugly.
... if you don't recycle your aluminum cans.
... if you pretend not to hear people you don't like when they say hi at the grocery store.
... if everyone who doesn't agree with you is an idiot.
... if you blog about what a jerk you are.
... if you don't give a damn where your friends "check in".
... if you feel like people you don't like are stealing oxygen that should be yours.
... if you don't think every baby is cute.
... if you think some babies are downright ugly.
... if you don't recycle your aluminum cans.
... if you pretend not to hear people you don't like when they say hi at the grocery store.
... if everyone who doesn't agree with you is an idiot.
... if you blog about what a jerk you are.
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