James Bond - The Ultimate Jerk.

First of all you need to know that I have put a lot of thought into this post. I have carefully considered all of the opinions which I am about to present, and I have done a fair amount of much enjoyed research.

I love James Bond movies! Perhaps the reason I like the character so much is that I think he might be the ultimate jerk. He acts according to his own purposes regardless of how it affects other individuals. It sounds harsh - but what do you expect from a spy? He is not a man without loyalty, but I suppose in some ways he is a man without conscience. He doesn't care about how he is perceived. He kills anyone he deems necessary without remorse. He lies, he uses people, he breaks the rules. He's awesome! Certainly no role model - but such a stud... and such a jerk!


I have seen all the Bond movies. I have enjoyed them each. I can appreciate the unique contributions to the character from each of the actors who portrayed the infamous MI6 agent (except maybe Timothy Dalton who was just pretty awful). So you will know that I realize the magnitude of the statement when I say that my favourite Bond is Daniel Craig!



I know, I know, it's almost unthinkable to prefer anyone to Sean Connery - but there you have it. I like the Craig Bond best for a number of well prepared reasons which you are about to hear. Before I lay it all out I do want to be clear that I love Sean Connery's Bond. I think he is the absolute in suave and no one could top his performance on that front (although Pierce Brosnan gave it a good shot). But I still like Craig better as 007. Here are my reasons (not necessarily in order of relevance).

Oh my!!

1. Daniel Craig is hot! I mean smoking hot!! Hotter than any of the other Bond actors combined (sorry women my mom's age who are now offended on behalf of Pierce Brosnan) -- and I realize that most  of them were really very attractive. He's got that fabulous physique that just doesn't let up. Hes got that rugged yet charming smirk (best when surrounded blonde stubble). He's got those cold, cold, piercing, blue eyes. When he gets really angry, or worked up on screen his face gets a little flushed and his eyes get brighter and sharper and become positively steely! It makes my blood turn cold, then hot, then cold again.

2. Daniel Craig's Bond is kick ass! Literally. Hand to hand, with a gun, with an improvised weapon, Daniel Craig's Bond could kill any of the other Bonds. That makes him easily the most believable as a cold blooded spy. Look at the body count in his movies! If you are interested in comparing all the movie Bonds you should check out the following link. It's pretty cool! Shout out thank you to Mike McLaughlin for telling me about it!



http://www.swiftfilm.com/which-bond-slept-with-the-most-women-killed-the-most-bad-guys-and-drank-the-most-martinis/

I liked being able to compare the various Bonds to each other on the most important criteria - but it should be noted that those numbers do not include Craig's tallies from Skyfall, I do believe it is safe to say that with those additions and the probable additions of Craig's future 007 films he should outdo all of the other Bonds before he is done.

3. Probably the biggest and best reason that I consider Craig the best Bond is character development. You are probably familiar with the ideas of flat and round characters. Flat characters are characters which do not undergo any substantial change or growth throughout the story. They are two-dimensional, always same, predictable, and are usually minor characters because they are less developed. Round characters are usually the main characters in a story. A round character is one which encounters struggles and challenges and not only confronts them but is changed by them. Daniel Craig's Bond is a round character, while I would consider the other movie Bonds to be a bit flat. I like my Bond on the round side.

4. Daniel Craig is the best jerk- and you love him for it! He is cool, detached, and effective.


Of course I realize that there are good arguments on the opposing side for why Craig is not the best Bond. In the interest of fairness these really should be addressed as well. There are really only two plausible reasons I can think of for not preferring Daniel Craig as 007.

1. Daniel Craig is not as suave as some of the other Bonds, particularly Sean Connery or Pierce Brosnan. I can't really argue, they are both exceptionally charming and suave. In fact, I'm not sure it's humanly possible for ANYONE to be more suave than Sean Connery as James Bond. But as woman, I find Daniel Craig sufficiently charming, and anything he may lack in charm he makes up for in other important and attractive qualities.

2. Purists may not approve of Craig's Bond because it doesn't fit with their interpretation of the character as written in Ian Fleming's books. In order to weigh in on this fairly I decided to read Casino Royale yesterday. It was was fairly short so I was able to get through it in an afternoon. Uncharacteristically, I have to say I prefer the movie to book (we can probably give Craig some of the credit for that). The descriptions of Bond in the book don't strictly fit Daniel Craig (except the description of his eyes which I feel is spot on with my thoughts on Daniel Craig's eyes seen above). Fleming's Bond has dark hair. He is slighter than Daniel Craig and (to my interpretation) less attractive. But emotionally I feel Craig is as good of a fit for Fleming's famous character as any other character who has taken the role.


So there you have it! Take my opinions for what they're worth, but remember this: the things that makes the character 007 so timeless and so awesome is the same things that makes him a jerk. That is what keeps us coming back for more. If you haven't seen Skyfall you really should! It's my favourite film of the year.

If you want to weigh in on this please leave a comment, and feel free to take the poll this week to vote for your favourite Bond!

Douchism for Dummies!

This is a very special post. Today I have guest blogger. That's right! Someone actually reads my blog and was willing to contribute his own thoughts. It’s an old friend of mine, Nick Hubbard. Nick and I are friends from a simpler time in life when we were both probably a lot nicer (despite what Nick may tell you). My how things have changed…

Nick is going to share with us some insights on douche bags, specifically how to be one. Of course, there is a wide difference between being a jerk and being a douche bag- maybe we’ll talk about that sometime- but in the meantime I hope you’ll enjoy Nick’s post as much as I did! I have asked Nick to include a quick jerk bio to help you understand what kind of a jerk he is. So without further adieu - Nick!!

Thank you Eileen for the opportunity to guest blog for you!

My name is Nick Hubbard and I'm a jerk. I've been a jerk my whole life except for maybe my first waking breaths until I figured out I wasn't in my mother's womb anymore. My jerkiness manifests itself in the form of extreme cynicism so I guess you could say I'm more of a "glass broken on the floor with spilled Mountain Dew all over the floor and a mess to clean up" sort of guy. I would say that the "jerk" gene is a mutated form of the "ass-hole" gene which is our family's version of male pattern baldness. One time in high school a girl asked me why I was such a jerk. I told her I didn't know. She never talked to me again. True story. There you have it. I'm a jerk and proud of it!

Now, let's get down to business!

Today's entry is on how to be a douche bag! No, I am not referring to the kind that you buy at the pharmacy, although some of the similarities are quite striking. So yes, I'm talking about the brand of douche that makes us all wish we could be as cool as he thinks he is.

Just to be clear, I will be using douche and douche bag interchangeably, although I concede to the point that there are varying yet subtle differences such as being a Yankee's fan vs. a Raider's fan.

The number one thing you gotta have in order to be a first class doucher is a bad attitude. Cynicism won't cut it here. It's all about you. You always control the conversation by projecting your misguided and selfish outlook. You consistently 1-up every accomplishment and you resent and make fun of everyone who comes up short of your glory. Any threat to your status is worthy of a stare down of maximum proportions. Making a scene in front of lots of people is always good too, especially when you're making an example of someone else or making yourself look waaaay better than everyone else.

You have a job or family money, but you want to go back to school, or maybe you're in school but you are sort of "in between majors." You're just waiting for the right opportunity because it hasn't happened yet for the last 6 years since high school.

In order to fit in with your newly founded douch-a-Rama of a self you must also quit showering and wear excess amounts of Axe body spray. This way, you will definitely be a hit with the ladies because who can resist the odor of a French whore house with overtones of grotesque body odor?! Don't discard all your toiletries however, as a quick shower every now and again never hurt anyone, except maybe your ego because you had to actually do something today, instead of playing Call of Duty on Xbox Live with a bunch of 12-year olds. You will need to shave maybe once every 2 weeks and then hide from everyone until your stubble starts to show. This is an important image you're trying to project, so attention to every detail of self-indulgent laziness is a must. Trimming your beard into a pencil beard is always fun too.

Now this brings us to attire. A tricky subject because while your personal hygiene will suffer, you have to make it look like you take care of yourself. Therefore, always buy the most expensive, oversized, designer clothes, preferably with illegible corporate logos stitched or silk-screened onto your pants and shirts. While around the house, wear nothing but dirty wife beaters and pajama pants or boxers. See, the idea here is to not wear your expensive clothes to get them dirty around the house, which by the way is a complete disaster because you're too cool to clean up. Now your wardrobe must have New York Yankees attire. To epitomize the stereotype, you need to get at least one (preferably more), mint condition stiff brimmed Yankees baseball cap with original tags and stickers. Your shoes should be white and absolutely perfect. If they get scuffed, throw them away and steal or buy another pair. Your attire will scream "Hey look! I'm a douche!!"

Your vehicle is the ultimate compensation for your lack of self awareness. More is more and bigger is better when it comes to your transportation. Your vehicle should be a late-model jacked up pickup truck with a 6+ inch lift and huge off-road tires. Now who in their right mind would get this $50,000 beaut dirty?! You got it, not you! Therefore, at all costs you must keep your most prized possession free from dirt and dust by having it detailed every waking chance so you can pick up all the hot chicks at the local bar scene. Take no intention in taking this king of the road off asphalt, as too much of your Dad's hard earned money went into creating the monstrosity that it is. Go ahead and wear those $600 tires (each) out in 6 months by driving like a maniac on the interstate while supporting your community gas station at 8 miles per gallon and sucking down Red Bull like it's Red Bull.

Lastly, your company says a lot about you. You should always "hang out" and "chill" whenever possible to avoid actually doing something useful. Your friends share the same "I don't give a flying *expletive*) attitude as you, but since you're on the same wavelength, everything's cool unless you're out of beer. In that case, send your smokin' hot girlfriend to the convenient store for some Bud Light and Heineken. Also, don't forget to treat your loved ones like doormats. They seems to always love that.

There you have it! How to be a douche bag. Of course, being a douche bag isn't limited to the scope of this entry, and there are thousands of ways you can be a more douche-baggery you. Just get creative by stealing others' ideas on how to look and act cool so the rest of the world can see how respected you really are!

That's it for today! Special thanks to Nick for the awesome post, it was filled with jerky goodness. If you have any thoughts about today's post or about douche bags, let's hear them. Leave a comment!