Halloween Costume Ideas

Halloween is probably the most sexist of American holidays. It's like a free pass night for all women to dress like prostitutes without feeling slutty and all men to dress like tools without being offensive. The reality, of course, is that they are both slutty and offensive without acknowledging the fact.

Let's talk about women's costumes first. I haven't included images because I know you all know exactly what I'm talking about and have seen it for yourselves. Who knew that so many sweet and innocent childhood memories could be turned so slutty? Some of the most personally saddening trampy get-ups I have seen include:

Slutty Bumblebee
Slutty Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz
Slutty Nun
Slutty Angel
Slutty Raggedy Ann
Slutty Little Red Riding Hood
Slutty School Girl (that's just too pervy)
The list goes on...

But when it comes to tasteless costumes men most certainly have their share. The ones with perpendicular objects and strategically placed signs are a particular favourite. I would bet some serious money that these guys (whose images I don't own) aren't getting tricked OR treated on Halloween night.

Speaking of horrible couples costumes - there are an abundance of them available! You can buy tacky and/or socially uncomfortable costumes, or just create your own. I wish I knew what it is that possesses some couples to think that dressing up like giant babies, Adam & Eve, and other such awkward pairings.

Those are some of my thoughts on Halloween costumes. At the very least, perhaps you have gotten some terrible ideas for costumes that you can use this Wednesday.

How To Make Enemies: In the Work Place

We spend roughly one third of our adult lives at work. Is there a better place to place enemies? Probably not. So if you are looking to make people hate you, here are some ways that I have found very effective in the professional world.

Harass them with high fives.
Nothing will make people avoid you more than obligating them into unwanted physical contact. People won't be able to turn you down without looking like a jerk (which no one wants) so pretty soon people will go out of their way to stay out of your sight... and reach.

Peddle products.
Cookies, pop corn, Mary Kay. People can't turn you down without feeling like a jerk for not helping out the Boy Scouts, or Girl Scouts, or whatever extra curricular activity your kids are involved in.

Whistle while you work.
Pretend it's American Idol. You should probably start out by whistling or humming softly and with any luck you will be singing at normal volume before long. The best part of performing to an unwilling audience at work is that they are captive! With nowhere to go, they may grow to loathe you more with every song.

Take a dip in the office dating pool.
We've all fallen into the trap of thinking that a harmless work romance couldn't possibly end on bad terms, and yet they almost always do.

Push your way into private conversations.
You all know how much I love eavesdropping, but you cross all kinds of lines when go from listening to conversations, to jumping right in. You will be amazed at how quickly people stop talking anywhere near you when you poach your way into their private chats.

Help yourself to snacks.
Think of your work environment as a big happy family where everything is shared. So if you see a tasty snack on a neighbor's desk or in the break room fridge think of it as community property.


So there you have it! Tomorrow is the start of a new workweek so go forth and try these new tactics out! Have a jerky week everyone!!