How To Make Enemies: At Concerts

If you follow my Facebook posts at all then you know that I like concerts. I've attended quite a few so far this year and when looking at the experiences with my special jerk vision I believe I've spotted a few new ways to make people absolutely loathe you in public settings.


Get drunk and LOUD
Because everyone knows that you're about hundred times funnier when you're drunk, right?? Wrong. The more you drink, the louder you get, and the fainter your inhibitions become. If you're not familiar, inhibitions are those things that prevent you from looking like an idiot and behaving like a jackass. Once those are removed from the equation there's pretty much nothing stopping you from making yourself the most hated person in the arena. Oh yeah, you'll have people hanging on your every word.. and plotting creative ways to choke you out.

PDA
I am not even kidding when I say that at the Kenny Chesney concert earlier this year there was a couple 5 feet away from me (5 FEET!!!) that were pretty much about to have sex. Fortunately, they left the area before they got past PG-13 territory, but the groping and saliva swapping was - as Sally would put it - a little "too familiar" for those of us who didn't come to the concert as a per-cursor to an adult film. I know that you're drunk, I know that you find music romantic, but seriously get a radio and a room before I throw up on you.

Touch me
You know what I like? Being touched by complete strangers - ideally drunk, loud ones that spill beer on me. If you can throw in questionable hygiene you'll totally make my night! I know it's crowded, but under no circumstances should a stranger wittingly put their hands on my shoulders and talk to me. And yet, here we are - blogging about how much we hate those people and how much we wish someone would "lay hands" on them.

Block my view
"Oh no, that's fine. Stand right in front of me. It's not like I wanted to see the band or anything"
 
It's not rocket science: I'm short. If you're tall, and you stand right in front of me, I will not be able to see anything. Show me how little you care about whether I can see or not by blocking my view and you will most assuredly incur my wrath. Just because I bought a general admission ticket, doesn't mean I don't care about being able to see. 

Act like a total dick in the parking lot
This is my personal favourite, because it is the most likely to result in a homicide. I know you're in a hurry to get home, I'd like to get home too. Is your time really soooooo valuable and are you sooooooo important that you really can't wait your effing turn in line?? Who do these people think they are? When people are so selfish and rude in parking lots that they won't even let one person merge in front of them, or they cut me someone who has been waiting their turn off it makes me want to talk with my fingers... and my harsh words... and sometimes my fists.