Tonight I went to see TCM's special 50th Anniversary screening of Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds at a local movie theatre. I went with my sister Kelsey who is also a classic film enthusiast and has a great appreciation for Alfred Hitchcock. If you don't know going into this that Alfred Hitchcock is one of the greatest directors in the history of film and is the King of Suspense, then you should stop reading now. You should also probably not mention your ignorance of this to me, as it may alter our friendship.
The movie theatre was mostly empty, and we got excellent seats. The film itself was everything we remembered, and we loved it! Well worth paying $11.50 to see it on the big screen. Since it was a small crowd, I naturally assumed we were in the company of other connoisseurs. As it turned out, we were in the presence of Philistines.
Without spoiling the plot for you (in case this post has somehow inspired you enjoy the classic for the first time yourself) I believe I may say that the movie ends on a bit cliff hanger. Once the movie ended, we learned that apparently many of the people in the theatre had not seen it before, because they didn't know that it was over. Don't ask me why any of those people (who apparently had no appreciation for classic film as you will soon see) paid $11.50 to see this movie for the first time. People seemed disappointed, and confused as to whether or not it was over. Hint: When a movie shows the Studio's logo and then the screen goes black after a movie - it's over. And since this is a classic movie, there are no gag reels, no fake endings, no credits - we saw those in the beginning of the film, remember? One dear, dimwitted lady even went to the trouble of fetching one of the theatre workers to see if there was something wrong with the movie because she was certain it couldn't be over. She was, of course, wrong.... and stupid.
Far worse though, were the people who actually had the nerve to complain about the movie. To cast derisive judgments on the Alfred Hitchcock's Oscar nominated masterpiece of film! It's brilliant! It does just what a suspense movie is supposed to do, it keeps you on the edge of your seat, it keeps you guessing - even at the end. Does it move slower than today's cookie cutter horror and action films? Yes, you spend a lot of time waiting - that's what SUSPENSE means! Idiots! I'm sorry that you were raised in the age of instant gratification and have not the patience, nor the intelligence to appreciate something that isn't spoon fed to you and coated in cine-candy.
Granted, parts of the movie are a bit outdated, or maybe even laughable. It was made in 1963 and has phenomenal effects considering the limited technology available during production. Also, there is intentional humour because Hitchcock, like all great film makers, knows that some relief is necessary in a suspense. But the whole thing is brilliantly done. The brilliance is apparently somehow lost on the morons of my generation.
One particularly obtuse young woman laughed at the end, and in a befuddled tone said, "What? Well I guess the moral is now I know what to do if birds attack. *giggle, *giggle."
Someone should tell her:
1. That's not what a moral is.
2. You're an idiot!
What was she even doing there? When we heard her talking after the movie Kelsey and I had to fight back the urge to get up in her face. When you insult the genius of Alfred Hitchcock, you incur the wrath of Dobbins. I had to pull Kelsey back and keep telling her to walk away. That hooker is lucky that we didn't have a flock of birds to unleash on her!
This is why I am very selective of the company I bring with me to an event like this. I don't cast my pearls before swine! If I had invited a friend to this movie and they didn't appreciate the brilliance of it, our friendship would simply NOT have been the same. If you can't appreciate film that has stood the test of time and remains as relevant and scintillating today as the day it was made, it's better that you not tell me. Because once I know that, I can't value your taste any longer. I can respect you as a person, but things will never be the same between us.
I think I've said enough. If any of you are still reading I hope you are not offended, but even more I hope you are not a stupid Philistine!
PS - During the movie one person clapped. I glared at them in the dark and cursed them under my breath, but afterwards I forgave them because at least THEY were appreciating what they were watching.
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